Self Isolation

First, I want to say, "Hey, hi, how the hell are you?" It has been, I think, two years since the last time I posted. Well, I left Colorado, went back to Texas, and am now way up in New Hampshire. Let's dive in and get back into it.

The support that you guys have given me is fantastic and I cannot thank you enough for everything. Please continue to read and share this with friends, family loved ones, Frenemies, etc. Well, anyway, here's to this week's topic SELF ISOLATION.

Self-isolation is it toxic? Is it healthy? Is it good? Is it bad? Do you do it? Do you not do it? What is the right way to self-isolate? I have heard so many people say that self-isolation is unhealthy for you because you do not let others help you when you're in need however, sometimes you just need yourself and that's okay. A very very very close friend of mine always tells me to slow down take a breath and just love myself for a minute anytime I am stressed, freaking out, happy, sad, or just downright lonely. Slow down be alone and just be with your thought. Honestly, I'm here for it, well I was at the beginning of my healing journey. At first, it was hard for me to understand, but like why would I subject myself to my thoughts? For me, my perfect isolation spot is a shower. Anxiety attacks, panic attacks, stress, crying, happiness, or I just need to get my thoughts together. I'll take a shower for 30 minutes, 45 minutes, to an hour. I'm in the shower roasting like a rotisserie chicken and I love it. Well here’s the thing, I have been good at this “being with myself” thing for so long and doing TOO WELL, that when shit started getting hard again I would not let anyone help me.

Since being up here in the good ol’ New England, I have done well at healing the past, dealing with the present, and planning for the future. Coming up in August will be two years of living here, and let me tell you, I do not plan on going anywhere, anytime soon. When I moved I had a little hiccup with my anxiety and dealt with it, got back my meds, and conquered it. Welllllllllll let’s fast forward a year to about three weeks ago, I have been doing good and not letting my anxiety take over until one day… Here I am crying at work feeling like I am dying. I cried and cried and cried about how bad I felt, how tired I was, and that my heart was going to give out on me randomly and bleh bleh bleh, a tale as old as time. Tyler, my wonderful partner, has been there for every step of all of this, keeps telling me to quit thinking I am alone, and that we will get through no matter what happens. Well, let me tell you, when you are used to doing things alone and feeling like you don’t have the help to rely on others, it’s a very hard thing to turn off. The pounding of the chest, racing thoughts of dying, how are my bills going to get paid if I am sick, how am I ever going to get over this health scare without the help of insurance, where the affordable therapist, plus the little to no savings with the price of living, the thoughts never stop, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

So here I am at work, pouring beers, shooting the shit with my “gang”, typing this thinking hmmmm how many days has it been since I have panicked? Well don’t worry about it, keep pressing on and STOP SELF ISOLATING!!! You are not alone. It’s okay to sit at a park and reflect but when you’re dealing with shit LET YOUR PEOPLE HELP!!!!

with love and judgement

reece